The Iguana Mafia

An Introduction

by Secret Agent Smith

Site Map
with story and page
descriptions
The F.A.Q.
Under development. Updated July 16, 2003
About the Author
coming soon
Credits
Iguana Care Sheet
Contributions
Suspect Profiles
Agents
Introduction (Begin)
About the Iguana Mafia
Prologue
Drunk Lizards
Dog Destiny
Iguanas and Yellow Labs
Stinker: Protective Custody
Stinker: Miracle Poo
Stinker Still Not Eating
File Photographs: Suspects
Stinker's Diet (Update)
Stinker and Zetekitoxin
Mystical Powers
Possible Iguana
Stubbie is Recruited
Email intercept by SnakeKing
CrimeLord Moving to Cleveland
CrimeLord Arrives in Cleveland
Sorath's True Identity
Garbled Wiretap
Matters for Consideration
Telephone Outrage
Iguana Mafia Raided
Sorath's Evil Eye
UV-Lamp Dealer
"Save a Cricket" Expose
More Iguana Mafia
coming soon

The Iguana Mafia. A little known underworld organization with connections at the highest levels of power, and led by a being who appears to the uninitiated as a Common Green Iguana (Iguana iguana) by the name of “Tita ‘the Blade’ Turello”, but who is known by those who understand the mysteries in her true aspect of Sorath the Great Dragon, of the species Iguana draconis-rex.

My experience with the Iguana Mafia began some years ago, when I made the acquaintance of several reptiles, including among them the late Gizzard Khan, an iguana who was known among local crime families both as a demolitions expert and the then current head of the Cleveland branch of the Iguana Mafia, which at the time went by the name of "Gizzard Khan's Horde".

At the time, I had no idea of what I was up against. I was a young and inexperienced rookie agent, with dreams of cracking the “next big case”, of being famous, interviewed on television, my picture on the front of every newspaper…all the exuberant fantasies of someone who had not the slightest inkling of what he was really up against, or of what it was really like OUT THERE.

All I can say is, Mulder was right.

If it had been only the Iguana Mafia, I would not be here now, writing up this report, which will in all likelihood, not be read. I would be perhaps writing some other, much more prosaic report. A report detailing the petty larcenies and felonies of a reptilian street gang gone large: the Pothos drug dealers, the pawn shops and money laundering, the everyday violence of iguana lives gone bad. I would be writing about ordinary things, the daily struggle of life as experienced by these scaled immigrants to our fair country.

Alas, it was not to be so. For, besides the Iguana Mafia, there is also the Cricket Cult of Cthulhu. Now, I know you are probably saying to yourself “the Cricket Cult of What? What on earth is he talking about?” Bear with me. The Cricket Cult of Cthulhu is a secret religious organization, the existence of which I had not even suspected until these last few months, when their presence and involvement became so horrifyingly apparent.

What knowledge I have of the Cricket Cult of Cthulhu (CCC) is minimal, due to the extreme difficulty of even gathering information about this group, let alone infiltrating them. My attempts at contact were met with suspicion at best, and those informants who did provide me with a few token clues about their practices had a dismaying tendency to disappear whenever I felt that I might be close to achieving even the slightest insight into the nature of this insidious faith. Perhaps others will be more successful than I.

Regardless, I shall put forth what small knowledge and speculations I have, in the hope that it may be found useful by some other agent.
The congregants of the Cricket Cult are almost entirely comprised of (not surprisingly) crickets, though the leadership may include individuals of any species, as near as I can tell. It seems to be something of a fatalistic and existentialist monastic order on the surface, with the devotees spending hours of their time engaged in the incessant repetition of a mantra intended to invoke their God, Cthulhu. I was uncertain at first as to who this “Cthulhu” might be, but at this point I feel reasonably confident that it is some sort of a Reptilian God of Death, as the word “Cthulhu” seems to be a degraded and corrupted variant of an ancient word meaning “Devouring Lizard God”.

Apparently, the crickets who follow this dark faith are attempting to invoke a creature who views them solely as food!

Even more incredibly, from what I have been able to decipher, they believe that this one iguana, Tita, or Sorath, is the living avatar (or even, the incarnation) of this Cthulhu God.

Of course, I may be wrong. Some of the things I have seen, during my years involved in this investigation, even I barely believe.

In the following pages, I will set forth what I have learned. I will place before you, wherever possible, the original material I had available…emails, conversations, a few photographs. I will leave it to you to draw your own conclusions about The Iguana Mafia.

Respectfully,

Secret Agent Smith.