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Stinker Still Not Eating
by Agent Lizard-Keeper Site Map |
From: Agent (Code-Name) Lizard-Keeper: Agent Smith, After much searching and aggravation, we have acquired what I believe to be a live pothos. Looks like the pictures. Looks a lot like the pictures. Was the bushiest, biggest, fattest, greenest, and healthiest looking (or at least "most fake looking") of the pothos type plants I could find. Paid six dollars for the thing. You know, if I just waited another month or so, I could just go yank some weeds out of the back yard and tell Stink it was a pothos. He probably wouldn't know the difference. And if you are refusing to eat, does it really matter if you are not eating pothos or you are not eating crab-grass? Fairly certain it is a live pothos, and not a silk plant. Soil was wet, and the leaves came off permanently when pulled, seemed to not reattach properly, without tape (unlike silk plant leafs, which have this little plug and socket thing going, in plastic). Actually used to have one of the things, several years ago. A mostly live one. Described as a "no green thumb required" plant. I still managed to end up with a scraggly, mangy looking thing, that barely survived (only because it's suicide attempt failed, I think). Anyhow, the pothos plant was hung in what Stinker has been told is his Witness Protection Safe House (NOT his prison cell). The Dude in the Black Suit and Dark Sunglasses first checked to make sure it was indeed a "pothos" and not a "pot" plant (the extra syllable is very important, and denotes inferred legality). He then duly reported this into his sleeve. Stinker was grabbed, disengaged from his bask (first one leg, then the next leg, then the next leg, then the tail, then the next leg...). Stinker was then deposited in the pothos, so that he would know where to find it. This is because Stinker is essentially, a geek. He has been sighted climbing upon programming reference books. He has a look that indicates he understands these books. He also is relatively clueless about his environment, including food, and has been seen walking THROUGH his filled food dish. And he refuses to wear his (horn rimmed) glasses, as they make him look like a Monitor Lizard. Which means he is as blind as the squirrels that visit the local Squirrel Soup Kitchen every day. So, to make a long story short, the location of the new addition to his mansion was made abundantly clear. Results: Apparently fresh, live pothos is unacceptable. SOME, more naive and less worldly skinks may consider pothos to be candy. Stink prefers a more healthful and cautious diet: he does not eat candy. Specifically, he does not accept candy from strangers. Particularly strangers with unusual habits and suspicious routines. Since I do not actually live in the safehouse with him, but instead open the door twice a day to deposit the slop which passes for food around here, I am clearly a stranger, and therefore any candy (aka "pothos") I put in his home is highly suspect and very likely poisonous. Stink does not trust easily. Stinker climbed out of the pothos basin and onto his Upper Perch, and debated as to whether he was best off seeking refuge in the Clifftop Hide or on the Fake Vine Covered Shelf Hide, or in the Heat Rock Ground Hide. This was a difficult decision, as he suspects that all three hides are Known To The Enemy (myself). Further, he suspects me of subversive political leanings, and anti-skink activities. He notes that I vary the "feeding routine", with the "feedings" being later on the weekend, and suspects that the purpose of this variance is to simulate "normal" household behavior and thereby throw him off his guard. He has noted other, equally incriminatory behaviors. He observes the Monitor in the cellblock across from him, and notes that Monitors are notorious for being Paid Informants. The Dude in the Black Suit neither confirms nor denies any of these allegations. Stinker continues much of his hunger strike, and spreads the remains of his slop across the floor of his cell, so as to obscure any indications as to how much food he ingests. He also takes care to only eat those portions of the spider plant which are not easily observed, so as to further conceal his activities. Stinker comments that "It is not paranoia if they are indeed out to get you". He struggles with the challenges inherent in being a Political Prisoner, and beseeches anyone in the newsgroup to please try to get the word out to Amnesty International about his plight. He understands the dangers involved, and conveys his gratitude in advance. The war continues on all fronts, with no end in sight. Sincerely, Agent Lizard-Keeper |
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Houston Lasik
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This page last updated
Thursday, January 11, 2007 6:13 PM
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